∆CIDSQUID™ Psychedelic since. 1978

Well, I guess it’s better than having to deal with the lowlifes face to face in a physical retail environment.  But really when it comes down to it, it’s all bad.  This time of year sincerely brings out the “crazy psycho fuckface” in people.  For some reason life goes into “prison rules”, and every person reverts back to some uncivilized primitive idiot sense of entitlement.  Why is it that people who spend money with a company feel that they have bought their way into some sort of partnership with said company, simply because made a $30 purchase.  And, it is always those people, and not the actual good customers who place orders on a weekly basis whom have order histories with my company in the tens of thousand of dollars.  I guess it’s because the take so much pride in that small chunk of change they got by cashing all their quarters in at the coinstar.  Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that.  I myself do not have a lot of money, but I -on the other hand- am not a complete social savage.

Let me tell you something, guy; calling our call center and screaming into the phone or typing a nasty e-mail to us in “ALL CAPS” is less likely to get you anywhere.  Why is this, you ask?  The situation is simple; because we know that if we give you what you want, you will think by acting like an animal will get you whatever you want on future engagements with our company.  Not gonna happen, pal.

Let me breathe you a word of advice shithead; act civilized.  Remember that on the other end of that call or e-mail is a human being.  Also remember that we are trained professionals, and we deal with people like “you” all day long, and we eat psychos like you as easily as we snack on our Cliff bars and coffee in the morning.  And another thing to remember is we are trained to shut people like you down.  A healthy “business/customer” relationship is a two-way street, and as much as you feel we may have done you dirty, please keep in mind we have the power to fix your bullshit situation.  So do yourself a favor and stay calm, be fuckin’ cool, and more than likely we will do whatever it takes to resolve this petty situation in which you feel may be life shattering.

I would like to go back to the shitty e-mail correspondences we have to deal with.  The thing that really gets you nowhere is the “ALL CAPS” attempt at getting our attention.  Think of it like that asshole riding your bumper with his high beams on because you “accidentally cut him off.  You keep saying to yourself, “Jeez, I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to cut him off, why is he being soo crazy?”.  Well this is the same type of thing.  Trust me when I say, we are more than willing to take responsibility for our mistake, there is no reason to utilize the caps lock button.  Plus, it really makes you look like a five-year old.

To sum this up real simply,  the person working for said company that “fucked you over” has the actual power.  Your choice to attempt to resolve said problem can go one of two ways, and that is the only time you have the power.  In the end, being a scumbag lunatic gets you nothing.  Always in the back of your head should be a little place reminding you that the problem at hand was not created by the customer support agent making $9 an hour.

One last word of advice on the matter.  Asking for “the manager” is ridiculous.  The manager is usually there to manage his/her employees, and to shepherd them to be able to help you.  Yelling at two different people is just going to make your situation worse.

Slow your roll buddy.  Act like a retard and the only thing you’re getting is the sound of a dial tone.